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밖에는 비가 오고, 나는 조안 바에즈(Joan Baez)를 듣는다. “Diamonds & Rust”의 한 구절이 가슴에 와 박힌다.

The original vagabond

나는 어디에서 왔는지 어디로 가는지 알지 못한다. 그저 순간을 살고 있을 뿐이다. 삶은 내가 알지 못하는 곳으로 늘 나를 인도하지만, 어느 곳에도 나의 의지는 없다. 나는 본래 나그네였고, 앞으로도 그렇게 나그네일 것이다. 무엇이 되려고도 하지 않았고, 무엇을 이루려고도 하지 않았다. 궁극의 침묵 속으로 그렇게 흘러갈 뿐이다.

삶이 그 자체로 흘러가게 하라. 흐름에 존재를 맡긴 채 흘러가라. 그 흘러감 자체가 궁극의 깨달음이다. 삶은 풀어야 할 문제가 아니라 살아야 할 신비다.

<오쇼 라즈니쉬>

Well I’ll be damned
Here comes your ghost again
But that’s not unusual
It’s just that the moon is full
And you happened to call
And here I sit
Hand on the telephone
Hearing a voice I’d known
A couple of light years ago
Heading straight for a fall

As I remember your eyes
Were bluer than robin’s eggs
My poetry was lousy you said
Where are you calling from?
A booth in the midwest
Ten years ago
I bought you some cufflinks
You brought me something
We both know what memories can bring
They bring diamonds and rust

Well you burst on the scene
Already a legend
The unwashed phenomenon
The original vagabond
You strayed into my arms
And there you stayed
Temporarily lost at sea
The Madonna was yours for free
Yes the girl on the half-shell
Would keep you unharmed

Now I see you standing
With brown leaves falling around
And snow in your hair
Now you’re smiling out the window
Of that crummy hotel
Over Washington Square
Our breath comes out white clouds
Mingles and hangs in the air
Speaking strictly for me
We both could have died then and there

Now you’re telling me
You’re not nostalgic
Then give me another word for it
You who are so good with words
And at keeping things vague
Because I need some of that vagueness now
It’s all come back too clearly
Yes I loved you dearly
And if you’re offering me diamonds and rust
I’ve already paid

<Joan Baez, Diamonds & Rust>